I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
