you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They took my balls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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