wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
