Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
