I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
