God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
