I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
