Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
