I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
