Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
