genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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