i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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