so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize