found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We got so high we made milksteak
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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