so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
