By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize