I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
