i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
