You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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