you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
