at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
