Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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