my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize