I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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