Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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