Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
