Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
