I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
