Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize