When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
