I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize