I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
