A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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