you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
