I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
