we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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