My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
