I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
