i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
