My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
