Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
