bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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