So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
