I'm so fucking centered right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
