i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
