You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
