I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
