"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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