If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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