Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
