if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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