I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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