He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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