Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
