My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
