She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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