I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
