my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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