Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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