Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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