I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
