I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize