i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
