this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
