Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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