is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
