i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
