definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
