He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
