I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
