You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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