youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize