we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
