After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
