After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize