so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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