After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
