Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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