I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
