Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
