ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
