I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
