Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
